7:26 AM
kasunone
Many have told me that once they have sex with someone they're dating, they consider themselves exclusive and they don't sleep with anyone else; if the other person doesn't agree, they move on. Part of the decision has to do with not using condoms. I can count the times on one hand that I've had sex without using a condom, but many others seem to prefer forgoing condoms entirely once they're in an exclusive relationship.
The decision about using condoms isn't so cut and dry. There's a variety of factors to consider and every couple is different. Even when condoms are used correctly there's still a 2% failure rate; when not used correctly the rate jumps to 18%. Does sex feel better without them? Yes, but is it the best decision to skip them? Maybe not. So what should you ask yourself before telling your guy to go without?
Do you want to go on birth control?
I'm one of those women who has a problem handling birth control (hormonal or not); my body doesn't react well to it at all. If I were to forgo using condoms, there's basically no defense at all against getting pregnant. If you're not already on birth control, ask yourself if it's something you would consider? Keep in mind that even using the pill perfectly isn't 100% effective. For example, Planned Parenthood states, "Less than 1 out of 100 women will get pregnant each year if they always take the pill each day as directed. About 9 out of 100 women will get pregnant each year if they don't always take the pill each day as directed." However, there are a variety of types of birth control to consider, so consult with your gynecologist about which one is right for you.
Also, make sure to tell your guy if you're not on birth control. He may be willing to go without a condom if he thinks you're on it, but insist on wrapping it up if he finds out you're not. Before you have sex, let him know so the two of you can make the decision about what to do.
Do you use the pull out method?
Several people explained to me that they use the "pull out" method rather than using condoms. A few others said they thought the withdrawal method was basically fail-safe - until they got pregnant. Sure it's better than nothing, but just barely and it's more risky than some realize. When done perfectly, the failure rate is 4%; not done correctly and it jumps to 27%. It's essentially like playing Russian Roulette. The surprising thing is how many guys don't realize that there's a chance a woman can get pregnant from pre-ejaculation fluid, which is probably one of the biggest reasons they'll have no problem promising to pull out first.
Are you ready for a child?
The scary truth is that even with using condoms, pregnancy could happen, but the odds are obviously higher when you go without. Whenever you have sex without a condom, you're taking a chance with getting pregnant. Just because you're exclusive with your guy doesn't mean you're ready to have a kid with him; keep that in mind before you tell him to leave the condom in the drawer.
Are both of you STD-free?
You may already know you're STD-free, but it's a good idea to make sure your guy is as well. You may feel odd talking to him about it, but if you can be exclusive with him, you surely can have the conversation with him about it.
Are both of you only having sex with just each other?
You may be in the mindset that you're exclusive because you've had sex, but your guy may not be on the same page. Before you assume that the two of you are only having sex with each other, talk to him about it. You may not like the answer, but at least you know where you stand. A guy I was dating last year actually brought it up to me first and it made me feel better to know that we were both able to discuss things and put it all out there.
Why do you want to stop using condoms?
I've heard several women say they weren't thrilled about forgoing condoms but stopped using them because their guy wanted to. If you're not 100% comfortable with not using them, then make sure your guy knows this and uses one. Don't let him give you excuses about how it doesn't feel good or he'll leave if he has to use one. If that's the case, let him walk. A true man will respect you and your body without judgment or ultimatums. Sex is about the two of you, and while both of you would likely love to pass up on the condoms, they're often a necessity for your health.
Even if you're exclusive with someone, using condoms shouldn't come down to "Sex feels better without them so let's just not use them." No one can tell you and your guy whether or not you should use them, but both of you should be able to have an open discussion with each other about the topic and make the decision together.
More from Lauren R:
Hanging out vs. a date: How to know the difference
How to get over the bad boy
Keeping a dating spreadsheet: Yay or nay?
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